Running Away from Menopause

Running Away From MENOPAUSE

(Did you ever notice that Menopause has the word “men” in it. 
Hmmmm….they probably created it.)

The struggle is real. We all have our crap. I am so inside my head sometimes, I can’t hear what is going on around me.  As many of you know, I am a high school art teacher and I see a lot of teenage angst….of course, I went through all that teenage angst making some pretty horrible art to illustrate every second of it.

Teenage angst? Middle-aged angst is some serious angst. At least they have time to figure their shit out. Our clock is ticking… tick tock… tick tock. You would think that I would be less insecure, more evolved, with a “I don’t care what anyone thinks.” I’m sure I may come off that way sometimes but I’m not that way. I do like myself a bit more now because I really try to show others I care about them.

The more I talk to other women about why I started to run, the more I hear their stories about not feeling good and whole in these middle aged years. (Middle aged? I’m 53, do I really think I’m going to live to 106. Shit.) The woman I just spoke to at a cheer competition told me she was going through the very same thing. She thanked me for being so open with her. I think (know) I probably over share sometimes but this was one time I was glad I did. Misery loves company but really I feel like we just want to see someone who is resilient and living with “grace and grit.” I recently listened to a podcast that I will put a link to at the end. If you haven’t delved into the world of podcasts, OMG, you need to do it RIGHT NOW.

I was listening to the Running On Om Podcast with Julia Hanlon and she was talking about her personal struggles with Nicole Antoinette. It was so incredibly real… of course these two women are young, but they were very open about depression and some of their low points of 2015. Julia had never discussed her depression and she said it wasn’t one thing but several things that kind of hit her hard. I think I discount my feelings sometimes because I don’t have that horrible thing that happened to me. My husband hasn’t left me, I am in good health (except the menopause and depression, ha ha), and my life looks good from the outside. However, I do have that darkness lurking inside. This is why I run. That was the other part of the discussion I absolutely loved. Nicole admitted that she doesn't necessarily love running but it's what she does. Oh my this was amazing. She doesn't always want to go run and during the run, she isn't always enjoying it. In fact, maybe one of 12 runs are fantastic. While running is saving me emotionally, I have to say that I never feel excited to go run. I never know how I will feel, if it will be a good run or a bad run, if I will feel strong and empowered or weak and pathetic. It's the after effects, the endorphins, the feeling of accomplishment that keeps me going. 

Nicole also speaks to grit and grace. You'll laugh but on my way to LA I was listening to the podcast and I didn't have my little Field Notes books (a must have) on hand to write down notes. My daughter gave me a few index cards and now I have only one of them ...Lord knows where the other 2 - 3 are... frustrating. Anyway, I was gripped by her comments on mental toughness and making continual choices that benefit yourself. I have to go through and listen again, and I will, but I appreciate her candor that it isn't easy to stay on track. It's never easy to do what you KNOW will make you feel better. On the trip to LA I did do my long run, 10 miles. I couldn't get outside until after 5 which meant running in the dark without my night time gear. As luck would have it, I tripped and fell. That was my grit... ha ha. But I did it - I got the run done and I did feel good (except the torn running tights and smashed FitBit). 

Take care everyone... here are my links! Also see links on the side of my blog for my fav podcasts!

Link to the Running On Om Podcast I referenced above:
http://runningonom.com/2016/01/05/roo-168-real-talk-reflections-with-nicole-antoinette-and-julia-hanlon/

Notes of Grit and Grace - by Nicole Antoinette
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Field Notes little books
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